Love Love Love Love I want your... Babies

I Love Chavs on the back of the bus asking for a shag round someones houseparty

I Love how my Dad gets stupidly frustrated about shitty singers on Xfactor

I Love Kranky Klaus probably the best and most evil Santa tradition (think somewhere between Santa, Jackass and the Gruffalo)

I Love Flirting

I Love Hurts (Happiness) and Sia's (We are Born) new album

I Love how Pea Green Boats will be continuing :)

I Love eating Ben & Jerry's knowing full well that i can't eat sugar


I Sorta Love life at the moment

just waiting for the job to sink my student lifestyle

Life coach

It's just this anger that sometimes comes why am i not? why aren't you? what are you? a questioning self a governing self that wants better wants more, craves a better. I want self-improvement i want to continue to improve and am angry that i don't do everything that comes to my head, i'm angry that i don't do everything to the best of my ability or screw over my motives by being ridiculously drunk and ruining .

I'm starting a piece at the moment called lifecoach its about failed and often desperate attempts to self improve, become better, be better at everything. The constant critical anaylisis of every move the motive of self and presenting a self. Self evaluation being a terrible, morbid, a torturing existence but it also presents an ability to be as one wants a blank slate. I suppose its also about 'the actor' trying failing and succeeding and failing again at becoming another.

Think i might be going to a class on life coaching for a bit of inspiration, not sure so need to get round creative people again i feel a bit useless with just a pen and paper.
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Quick one

Been out CV dropping on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday in mostly boiling heat, handed out 35+ CV's whilst going to at least 60ish places. Only 1 interview how crap is that, then again when was the last time someone was offered a job there and then.

When out last night with Lauren, Amy and Imogen around loads of random bars - loved it really good conversation interesting people and even some hot guys in the gay bars we found :)

Found a few things that might be interesting need to find time to write them up

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Hunting

Job hunting got off to a slow start today not many CV's handed out (4 i think) though went round around 10 places no where seemed to have many vacancies.
Got distracted mostly by meeting up with a friend and goin to Notts castle trying to be a bit cultured and ending up just walking through most of the exhibitions cus they are the same things I saw when I went there @ 5 yearS old (So they're at least 15 years old). We even paid 50p for an exhibition of some of the props from the latest Robin Hood upon entering we quickly got bored since we hadn't even seen the film + the exhibition itself was just one room = waste of money.

Other than that i had a pretty boring day though i did see a pensioner staring out his front room hands pressed against the windowsill arms up as our bus stopped he looked really disapprovingly at everything in his eye line (including me), probably a Daily Mail reader. Then the house next to him a Dog in the same position with a naive look in his eye looked out and looked over at him, how odd, made me giggle as if the dog was like what the hell are you doing

Tommorrow: Hopefully go to Gym (if i can find my membership card)+ hand out more glorious CV's

Three
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Continum of Bull

I've been back home for just under a week now. And it's time i really knuckle down. The thing is i've been neglecting the most important fact.

I DO NOT HAVE A JOB
and i really really really need one.

No Uni to fall back onto now its the friggin Real World and I need the cash

So Tommorrow my CV will finally be published and Distributed to waiting employers ready to be arse licked by me into giving me an Okish Retail or Catering job.

And for extra publicity my number is 07875210851 (Though contact may vary depending on whether I gave a false number)

In other News I've got my first session at the Gym tomoro with Dad in tow to guide me round should be exciting its got jacuzzi's, saunas and swimming pool too which is a much welcome Extra given the Heat at the moment.

Other Top News Stories Include:

1. Amanda Bynes has recently confirmed she is quitting acting - Something I didn't really care about but thought was quite amusing since she blatantly can't act unless you consider the combination of shouting and gurning Oscar worthy . Don't get me wrong though, I did like The Amanda Show and her ridiciulousness its just she expects everyone to care even though she isn't even tabloid worthy fodder.

2. The Cheeky Girls will be performing at Nottingham Pride - Amazing how they have stretched a three minute audition into a life long career. Can't wait to see them gonna be Funny as.


Currently Trying to Read: Fashion + Perversity: A Life of Vivienne Westwood and the sixties laid bare by Fred Vermorel
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Fear of the Mundane

I remember watching Newswipe at least a month ago, the episode was about Fear and destruction a vice which the media often use to lure in potential readers/viewers. The obvious examples of terrorism, knife crime etc. were used, all of which are a scary potential. The thing is it really masks how we feed off the fear to hide away from the mundaneness of life, we leap on the bandwagon to be concerned with something that apparently has a purpose or motion i.e. worry. It makes us justify our world view keeps us talking but also in someways restricts. But mostly it masks the mundaneness of our 'true' existence.

On reflecting on this now I realize how we prioritize things just for this purpose and not just drinking, relationships. This goes back to previous blogs of a breakup in an almost pointless relationship we went out nearly every time we saw each other we even first met while particularly pissed, i saw him more of a one night stand (a first for me). We had very little in common he was doing graphic design - obsessed with image to a disgusting (can't think of a better word) extent - loved general pop music (me liking mainstream as well as random alt stuff)and was generally quite uneasy when he spoke candidly often dressing up things with pointless phrases/ sidelining issues.

So why have i been so hung up over it? why would it matter if i 'broke up' with him?

Sure the ending of it was pretty horrendous but forgiving that theres a nagging 'I want it back' even though he didn't mean much. Ok he was Hot as well but I really think the reason is that i'm a third year student surrounded by work to do i.e. 10000 word dissertation, am with my housemates alot and generally go out too much which at times with housemates can be pretty samey especially in winchester. In need of excitement i need fun, variety something more than writing essays talking to the same people 24/7. And why can't I so glad this week is mostly dedicated to going out with people other then housemates need new blood and need to be away from them again to value them again.

I'm generally scared of mundanity - ME WANT EXCITEMENT