Devising

Group work is ridiculously difficult in both drama and film
the amount of creative people skills you have to exhort are ridiculous mostly i would say tolerance and compromise. As i go into my last week of devising my final year performance i contemplate how differently we should have done things. How we should of spent more time improvising rather than random trips for pub lunch and arguing over things we mostly agree on.
I hate some of the moments we've worked together but i know i also have some amazing interesting crazy people to call friends.
It's been am odd process but i hope this final 5 days do us all proud
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MEGA FILMAGE

I read Ultra culture 's blog nearly every day since its pretty much the best movie blog i've come across, funny, entertaining, informative to an extent and an update on the trailers you actually want to see on the side bar.

I was casual reading it yesterday and saw this was going to be the next film screening they were hosting

Trash Humpers not the most inviting title but pretty intriguing non the less took a look at it creeped me out so i thought... i need to see it plus it is by the same guy that did Gummo (A film i've been meaning to see for for ages). I like interesting different films like this something showing some individuality, something that makes you feel something that you've never felt or feel uncomfortable because :) (So need to read Artaud's Theatre of Cruelty)

Must must must see more films, been letting down the side
human centipede anyone?
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start of a beginning

Just finished my dissertation on tuesday and had quite a good night celebrating it/ few days
2nights out 2 nights in :( 1 theatre trip to see some cool new work at the BAC

So what is there left to do at uni?
1 small essay & a performance one massive 45 minute devised piece which is just about to take over my life for the next 3 weeks

This brings me on to devising and performing group work and my own pieces which i hope to talk about in the next few blog entries.

It feels like the end of uni is near and i don't like it for various reasons but mostly friends, need money, need job have no clearer idea what i'm doing for the rest of the year. But then again i can always think of it of new building blocks to play with :)

The D Word

Dissertation now has one week and 5 days to be completed i'm shitting myself but for some reason my response is to procrastinate the whole day and i have to go home for a few days so the said 1 week 5 days is more like 1week 2 days, if that.

I'm scared of failure as well as ridiculously bored of looking at this screen. When i enter my room i look at it in contempt a prison where your tortured by ridiculously long essays i.e. 10,000 word; and even worse is the subject matter transvestism in contemporary performance, which to be fair seems alluring with interest. However this essay must use deconstruction theory and not only that but one author (Judith Butler) who has been accredited to be one of the most in comprehensive way of writing as well as Derrida who is near impossible to phantom.

Oh God if only I was the only one who felt like this, facebook status's are constantly updated with loathing drivel of word counts, frustation and general bullshit to procrastinate from the horror that truelly is dissertation.

Anyway here goes the final push the last stand against this beast which shall finally be vanquished just in time to enjoy the last month of uni.

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HOT

I recently found these two hotties on Electroqueer
their music is not bad but think i'm slightly in love with them as they are hot twins from south africa mmm..mmm...mmm...
why do hot boys always make my mind go blank :s
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oh and heres some music by them

Fear of the Mundane

I remember watching Newswipe at least a month ago, the episode was about Fear and destruction a vice which the media often use to lure in potential readers/viewers. The obvious examples of terrorism, knife crime etc. were used, all of which are a scary potential. The thing is it really masks how we feed off the fear to hide away from the mundaneness of life, we leap on the bandwagon to be concerned with something that apparently has a purpose or motion i.e. worry. It makes us justify our world view keeps us talking but also in someways restricts. But mostly it masks the mundaneness of our 'true' existence.

On reflecting on this now I realize how we prioritize things just for this purpose and not just drinking, relationships. This goes back to previous blogs of a breakup in an almost pointless relationship we went out nearly every time we saw each other we even first met while particularly pissed, i saw him more of a one night stand (a first for me). We had very little in common he was doing graphic design - obsessed with image to a disgusting (can't think of a better word) extent - loved general pop music (me liking mainstream as well as random alt stuff)and was generally quite uneasy when he spoke candidly often dressing up things with pointless phrases/ sidelining issues.

So why have i been so hung up over it? why would it matter if i 'broke up' with him?

Sure the ending of it was pretty horrendous but forgiving that theres a nagging 'I want it back' even though he didn't mean much. Ok he was Hot as well but I really think the reason is that i'm a third year student surrounded by work to do i.e. 10000 word dissertation, am with my housemates alot and generally go out too much which at times with housemates can be pretty samey especially in winchester. In need of excitement i need fun, variety something more than writing essays talking to the same people 24/7. And why can't I so glad this week is mostly dedicated to going out with people other then housemates need new blood and need to be away from them again to value them again.

I'm generally scared of mundanity - ME WANT EXCITEMENT

The END OF UNI :(

i have less then 4 months left at university and it scares. Even if anyone raises the question its mostly shouted down with a chorus of boos, shutups and generally negative comments to try to stop the conversation.
I honestly don't know what i'm gonna do my main idea is to work in a pub, but besides being boring i worry i will never get out of it. The other idea is that is to work for a bit of the year then go travelling but have no idea about this at all, where? who with? etc. After that i think i might go on some training courses acting? metalwork? devising work? bussiness?
It's hard to go i want to do THIS because i'm so unsure of my goals and underrate my confidence to achieve any of them anyway. I know i need to build up my confidence and develop my interests, but i don't know what my purpose is.

I might have to make some goals up again for career choices and defiantly book an appointment for career guidance while i can.

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